Monday, September 29, 2008

Love is...

... dynamic!

What the blazes do you mean "dynamic", you ask! Ah, I will tell you.

Does it mean (a) of or relating to physical force or energy, or (b) marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change, or (c) requiring periodic refreshment of charge in order to retain data? (Courtesy, Merriam-Webster's online dictionary. Gosh, who writes these things - you need a dictionary to interpret what they mean!).

Well, I suppose the second definition comes the closest, since it talks about change. That's what I mean by dynamic - forever changing. Compare the love between new lovers with the love between new spouses with the love between old spouses. Same two people, but the nature of their love changes with time. (Yeah, like you didn't know all that!)

Take a look at that Zee tv ad for some frozen vegetables. This young woman (she's pretty!) asks her mom what is she expecting to get from her husband on valentine's day. Later, she asks her dad what did he bring his wife for valentine's day. Both of them independently give the same answer - शादी के बाद प्यार जताने के तरीके बदल जाते हैं! (For you devanagari challenged people, shaadi ke baad pyaar jatane ke tareeke badal jaate hain. For you hindi challenged people, ways of showing your love change after you get married.) And then the camera zooms into packets of frozen vegetables. Seriously. Umm, I guess they are telling us that he brought packets of frozen vegetables for his wife for valentine's day, right?

Now, that is brilliant. That's exactly what I am going to get for my wife on our next wedding anniversary - frozen vegetables. Yes, I checked the anniversary table. It says that the 14th anniversary is supposed to be "frozen vegetable" anniversary. I swear. Check it yourself if you don't believe me!

Friday, August 15, 2008

He said, she said... And I posted, now you laugh!

I swear this is a real conversation. I am not making it up. Needless to say, the identities have been hidden to protect the guilty....

He: Check this out:

She: :-P I don't get it though. Whats the diffrence between this and a vest? Vest covers all the organs ???

He: No no.. this is supposed to replace the traditional bra, not the vest. A vest wouldn't provide the support.. so they need something to supplement the vest and provide support underneath.. (After all, you can't have women cops running around bra-less.. hippie days are gone!) And the traditional "support-providers", because of metallic wires etc, created an injury risk from the impact of a bullet upon the vest.. and so, they needed something that can provide the support without using any metals...

Now, what's ironic is why am I - a man - explaining about support to you - a woman! Shouldn't it be the other way round? What do I know about support? (above the waist, that is :-P )

She: Sigh....such interesting conversation :-P

What happened to the simple cloth bra? I guess you're saying this is needed because its indeed painful to be shot at regardless of wearing kevlar. You still get bruises. So you need additional padding. ok.

Yes yes. I remember now the last time when I had a bullet hit me :-P

Lord. Now all we need is bullet proof jockstraps.

He: Well.. I can't speak from personal experience since I never had a bullet hit me in the boobs while I was wearing a bra.. But german women seem to think they need additional padding. And I suppose germans had their reasons for needing metal in their bras.. they are a tough bunch, you know!

How do you know they don't already have bullet proof jockstraps? I am sure men cops thought of that early enough. After all, a woman can survive without breasts.. but a man without his thingy might just as well be dead!

She: Bullet proof jockstrap. Ok I research it and let you know if it exists or not :-D

As of this writing, he's still waiting to see the results of her research, and refuses to venture out into bullet prone areas of the world until then. She, on the other hand, is seriously considering relocating to Germany to enroll in the law enforcements division.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Zap!! Crack!!!

Some of you might remember my earlier post questioning the purpose of a man's nipples. Well, I have found another use for them.

They can be very effectively used to discharge static electricity build up from the corner of your car door after a long drive on a particularly dry day.

OWWWWW! Its not funny!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Beautiful Girls Can Get Away With Murder!

Well, this post is about nothing so extreme. The spectacular title is just to catch your attention! This is just about two friends and their, umm.. shall we say... traits? (No, I am not giving out any names. So, don't bother.)

Ok, first one. There is this friend who sounds perpetually sleepy. You call her up and you get a sleepy drone, "Haaaiiii Swaaameeee. Haaoowww aaare youuuu?" And its the middle of the day. She's not sleepy. You can tell if you are with her that she's not sleepy. That's just how she talks sometimes. But.. she's beautiful. So, who am I to complain?

Then there is this friend who loves to revel in melancholy. Sad movies are her favorites. And she firmly believes in "हैं सब से मधुर वो गीत जिन्हें हम दर्द के सुर में गाते हैं" (for all you devanagari challanged people: Hain sab se madhur woh geet jinhe hum dard ke sur mein gaate hain). And she loves the melancholic poetry of Bahadur Shah Zafar. So, naturally she was devastated to find out that "लगता नहीं है दिल मेरा उजड़े दयार में" (Lagta nahin hai dil mera ujade dayaar mein), and "न किसी की आँख का नूर हूँ"(Na kisi ki aankh ka noor hoon) were not written, as popularly believed, by Bahadur Shah Zafar.

You ask, "Why should she be upset about that?" Well, because her melancholic hero is suddenly not so melancholic any more!

You also ask, "Is she beautiful?" Well, she claims to be a man. So, she can't be labeled as beautiful or not beautiful. Unless she wants to be called a "pretty boy".

Friday, January 18, 2008

Torture is...

Torture is not...

...having to crawl out of bed at 6 am in the morning while its still dark outside and the whole world is sleeping, and you've barely slept 5 hours at night.

Torture is...

...going back into the bedroom and seeing your wife and child still sleeping oh so peacefully, and hearing the comforting cozy sound of the fan, and seeing an empty warm inviting spot under the blanket, but knowing you can't crawl back into bed at least for the next 16 hours!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

From Simple to Simpleton

This is sort of a followup to my previous post. So, if you haven't read the previous one, go read it. And also the comments that some people have been kind enough to leave. Otherwise, this one won't make any sense. Not that I ever make sense, but...

So..... since y'all (spoken with a true Texan drawl) have been asking what made me write that about daughters and women....

It was just idle musing one morning while I was stuck in traffic on I280. And because just a little while back, I had spent a few seconds scratching my head to make sure that I had spelt daughter correctly in some conversation. I just connected the dots. Voila! C'est tout!!

However, note how all the women have objected and are trying to find deep hidden meanings behind a simple obvious observation. I rest my case!

Men, on the other hand are quaking in their boots. Why? Because men are such simple creatures. For example, look at this (courtesy CNN: Weirdest work stories of the year):

Alleged robber asks victim out for date

After two men robbed a Domino's Pizza delivery woman, one of them called the victim from his cell phone to apologize -- and to ask her out.

Hmm... basic instincts, eh? It's a fine line between simple and simpleton, I suppose!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Fraternizing With the Enemy

Have you ever wondered why daughter is such a complicated and hard to spell word as opposed to son?

Well, lovable creatures though they are, you can't deny that women are more complicated and difficult than men. That's why!